Hate Spiral

I absolutely hate everything. I can't stand people and their needs. No one can say they are independent from anything. Always needing help and having their hand held. It's disgusting. I especially hate people trying to be my friend when they know they already fucked up.
My husband so kindly invited this one bitch over that I can't stand. "She's my friend" yeah... and I have dozens of guy friends that you won't let me talk to. "They want to get in your pants!" And you think girls aren't the same way. In fact I think we are way more vicious. We are constantly in a competition with each other. Makes no sense. The name of the game always changes. Who has the hotter boyfriend. How many boys secretly want to be with us. Who is the loneliest. The list goes on. Another disgusting thing about the female race.
I'm sticking to my hermit idea cause both genders of the human race are nothing but backstabbing cannibalistic pigs.
Anyone reading this I am considering on going to a doctor. I just wish I could afford it.
Christmas sucked. Once again female stupid shit was going on.  And being a good friend I came to the rescue on Christmas eve to save her ass. Useless piece of ghetto trash she is.
If you read my entry before this one you would be baffled by the next thing I'm about to say. My husband doesn't understand why I don't trust him with other females.... hm.... I wonder. MAYBE CAUSE YOU FUCKING CHEATED ON ME TWICE YOU FUCKING USELESS BASTARD!
Not to mention he doesn't have a job. A real one at least. I work and go to school. So I think that justifies my angst.
That is all for today.

Boy, Did I Wake Up On The Wrong Side of The Bed

Yeah, no shocker here, I'm married.
Woo...?
However, my "loving" husband has... commitment issues. I have come to terms that he's a slut has no self control. I love him regardless. But, it's toxic to my mental and self-esteem health cause that shit just eats at you from the inside out. He can't keep it in his pants. Let me explain:
Round 1-
Ariel. Oh. Ariel. She was a piece of work. She graciously came into my home, attempted to be my "best friend", called me little friend names (Dev, Devy, Miss D, etc) , wore (and stole) my clothes that were clearly two sizes too small for her, and oh, she stole my man for about 4-6 months. Thankfully her mother called me and informed me that my suspicions were true.
For the record, I'm not an idiot. When you hide something and that something is a very nasty secret and you are trying your best not to hurt that person, and you know your wrong plus you can't own up to that responsibility- you act a little strange. I knew it from day one.
Round 2-
Clara. I pretty much knew about her before he did. He would just always mention her. Then she pulled some stupid little stunt like running away and he got all worried. Too worried. Then two months later she calls him up and says shes pregnant with twins and they are girls. Oh, by the way, she was lying the whole time and I knew that. Cause it just didn't match up. The weeks and how she kept jumping two weeks in three days. Yeah... and I don't think you can determine the sex of the twins at 10 weeks... or was it 12.. maybe 8? She doesn't know she doesn't remember what the doctor said... cause she never went to one! Oh, the nerve!
At this point, I left him. I was done. But, as always, he gets those puppy dog blue eyes and pulls me right back in to yet another lie. This is the point I married him.
Side note:
I married him for the most part for my son. Secondly, so I can get the ball rolling on my career and work... can you say free babysitting? He doesn't work so why not? I have a back up plan, IF this marriage keeps going down it's path of destruction. Once I get my career going it's off to Tennessee.. or the Carolinas. It's nice over there from what I heard. I would LOVE to go to Colorado! Love it!
Round 3-
Yup. There's a round three. The secret myspace account where he would have all these girls lined up to flirt and cyber with him. That was awesome how I found that one. He just left it open. At first, I gave him benefit of the doubt. Maybe these were all girls he knew growing up. Marital Status: Single. Kids: Proud Parent. So you had "time to say you had a kid, but not enough "time" to say you are married. Then I saw his recent activity and message. One bitch slap after another to my self-esteem.
I stayed. He apologized... again. I started doing what he liked. Oh... but that's not enough either. He deleted the myspace but he still gets a cheap squeeze from bad porn and "4 hotties near you!" I've decided that I'll never be adequate. I will  let him mess around all he wants. Just one day, I'll be gone. I'm taking everything with me. He's going to have to fight to even get two states close to my son.
I'm tired of being second best.